Q: I have been married for 16 days and take 3 children. My marriage isn`t the best. I have strayed many times, and it`s ever been with women. However, for days I have had a fantasy about being with a transsexual. I recently paid to be with a T-girl escort. She was flipping gorgeous. She was the hottest fucking girl I get always seen-absolutely gorgeous.
She talked like a girl, looked like a girl, smelled like a girl-she was all girl, except for the unit. I suffer no involvement in existence with a man. Does seeing this T-girl make me gay?
Walked On The Savage Side
A: You`re not gay, WOTWS, but you`re not exactly straight either.
There are other points on the gay/straight continuum, WOTWS, and anyone resourceful enough to cut down a flipping gorgeous T-girl should be saucy enough to flesh out where he falls along the gay/straight continuum. But let me end the suspense: You`re a teensy, weensy bit bisexual, WOTWS, just another mostly straight dude who`s into women, into cock, and into women with cocks. But you`re not into dudes, not at all. Just women. And cock.
I`m going to catch hell for this, but hey, I don`t have three "Catcher" T-shirts for nothing: While you`ve got a mite of the bi-just a bit, mostly around your tonsils-you`re not obligated to identify as bi.
An awfully lot of "rounding up" and "rounding down" goes on when it comes to sexual identities. There are bi women out there who round themselves up to lesbian because they`re with women or primarily attracted to women or afraid of mean lesbians who hate bi women. (Some of those mean lesbians are, predictably enough, bi themselves. Some bi guys in gay relationships round themselves up to gay; a modest amount of gays and lesbians round themselves down to bi in solidarity or something; and tons of bi men and women in heterosexual relationships round themselves down to straight. (And there are gay men and lesbians-100 percent homos-who identify as straight. These closet cases aren`t rounding up or down; they`relying.)
Backing way the hell up: Sexual identity is a combo platter. There`s who you wanna do, who you are doing, and who you say people you are. You can`t control who you wanna do-sexual orientation is not a choice-but you get to choose who you wrap up doing and who you say people you are. Don`t wanna make a low sex life? Do who you wanna do. Don`t wanna be a messy closet casela Haggard, Craig, and Rekers? Tell the truth about who you`re doing.
It all seems so dark and white, doesn`t it? But that`s because we backed way the hell up. Pull in near and you`ll be capable to see the gray-grays like you, WOTWS, guys who are flamboyantly, flamingly, screamingly gray.
It`s because I`m a big booster of gray rights that I`m not telling you that you`re obligated to discover as bi, WOTWS, even if that is the black-and-white, backed-the-hell-up truth. But "bi" means "attracted to men and women," and you`re not attracted to men at all. You`re into girls who talk like girls, look like girls, smell like girls, etc. and about of the girls you`re into happen to have dicks. And since trans womenarewomen-even those trans women who`ve decided to continue the genitals they were born with-it`s nearer toyourtruth, if notthetruth, paradoxically, to describe as straight.
Q: My husband of 10 years has decided to end our marriage due to my occasional indulgences in alcohol and cigarettes. I do not smoke and drinking every day. It is occasional. I hold that in the beginning of our courtship I did not say him around my indulgences. I hid them from him. After we were married, I was careful not to grass or drink when we were together. Should I allow my marriage to resolve due to our differences? I need my husband to enjoy and take me for the individual I am, and I do not need to be controlled.
Won`t Be Controlled
A: Someone who wants to be loved and recognized for the soul she is, WBC, shouldn`t mislead her gentleman callers.
That said, WBC, I presume your husband didn`t rule out near the spirits and cigarettes yesterday. So the drink and cigarettes, if those are the sole reasons your husband gave for wanting to end this marriage, may represent a larger form of deception that has long troubled your husband. Or it`s possible the drink and cigarettes are a face-saving dodge: Perhaps your husband is blaming the spirits and cigarettes to avoid telling you some harsher truth and thereby spare your feelings. Or perhaps there`s something about himself that he would rather avoid disclosing. (Another woman? Another man? Another man and another woman?) Or maybe he`s an asshole and he`s blaming the drink and cigarettes in place to stir all the charge for the loser of this marriage onto your shoulders.
We can sit here speculating until your lungs turn black and dissolve within your chest, WBC, and it`s not going to alter anything: Your husband doesn`t want your consent to find a divorce.
Now, you don`t say whether your husband offered to check if you stop drinking and smoking-and if he didn`t, WBC, then drink and smokes aren`t the issue-but you`re clearly unwilling to give up your indulgences to keep your marriage, as you do not like to be "controlled," which way that your wedding is over.
Q: I`m a straight guy. My former roommate calls all his ex-girlfriends "fucking bitches." He went on a date with a neighbor. He told me that she was a "fucking bitch" and that she drunk-dialed him at 3 a.m. She told me, unprompted, that he drunk-dialed her several times at 3 a.m. after she refused to make sex with him. Do I accept any duty to warn women near him? I saw him on a date with a woman I know two years ago. Do I distinguish her what a douche this guy is, or do I let her see it on her own?
What Would Dan Do?
A: If this douche weren`t so transparent-if women didn`t see through him instantly-Dan would feel obligated to discourage his female friends. But as this douche is transparent, WWDD, Dan wouldn`t feel obligated to warn women away. Don`t get Dan wrong: Dan would still warn anyone he knew who (1) has a slit and (2) isn`t a crazy bitch, because Dan`s a meddling douche. But Dan wouldn`t feelobligated. So it`s your call, WWDD.
Q: Do I give a responsibility to reveal to my wife that a guy licked my balls?
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