He was discovered having sexual relations with a male in a public place. He was arrested for impropriety and in dread of having to confront our conservative grandmother with this news, he shot himself.
Our grandmother was natural in 1912, and is yet alive-which makes her 98 years old. She lived through the Heavy Depression, in the eye of which she married a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic, she divorced in the 40s when NO ONE got divorced and elevated her 3 children, one of whom was deaf, on welfare-all on a 3rd grade education. Her spirit was hard. Now she has outlived all of her children and, with the exclusion of five grandchildren left who really don't talk to her, she has no one.
My upbringing was rather different. Being a real active bisexual from a VERY accepting home, I am torn by the moral obligation I give to order and to my cousin-and to my grandmother's heritage of which I value in spite of its intolerance.
Is bigotry just plain bigotry no matter its age or heritage or is there a signal when you feel at an old lady and say "you just wouldn't understand, so I think I'll be ok with it" ??
I feel bad for my grandmother because she is alone and only a postcard saying "hi how are you" will brighten her day - but i am often conflicted by a moral responsibility to my community and my cousin to claim her out on her ignorance. But at 98, would that really solve anything? Would it change her or would it only hit her feel bad about herself? her hardships have been rich and long. Do i observe that and let it go or do i say "hey granny. you fucked up" ???
I don't necessarily think that bigotry has exceptions. But I might think that it has acceptances. Or is that ignorant and blind?
I let her journals and pictures and story in my family and don't need to disrespect her hardships, but i too don't wish to hold a woman that was (even unknowingly) an accomplice in yet another gay suicide.
What are your thoughts?
Loose Family Ties
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