Q: My father left her email logged in on my computer, and I decided to be an asshole and spy out of boredom. I honestly wasn`t expecting anything, but I establish a few intimate emails between her and a foreign man that pretty much confirmed that she was cheating on my dad.
My parents have been married for three decades, and it`s form of an understatement to say he`s an antisocial psycho.
He qualified her from so many things during their marriage-partly for religious/cultural reasons. He`s been a physical wreck for most of their union and has no personality to compensate. My mother, on the other hand, is one of the nicest and most caring people you could ever meet. She`s also "hot"-a lot of my friends have pointed that out. The sole reason she didn`t give him was to prevent the house together.
It`s hard knowing my mom is a CPOS. It`s killing my elder brother, who feels betrayed, because for years he`s defended her against my mother when he accuses her of cheating. How the hell do I confront her about this?
Mother Obliterated Monogamy
A: Here`s what you say to your mother: "Good for you, Mom."
But you`re going to say it below your breath, MOM, audible but not quite loud enough for your father to hear.
Because you`re not going to face her about this thing or any other thing that you might uncover between now and your father`s deathandyou`re not going to separate your mom you snoopedandyou and your brother are leaving to go right on defending your father to your fatherandyou`re going to render a little respect-a little retroactive respect-for your mother`s privacy by pretending that you don`t love what you do know.
Is that clear?
Your mom sounds like a lovely woman, MOM, and you and your brother should be glad that she managed to get a little solace, a short know and tenderness, in the blazon of a man who isn`t a raving asshole. She deserves that, doesn`t she? As for the CPOS label, that gets slapped only on people who cheat without cause, MOM, and it certainly sounds like your mom had cause. Which means she`s not a cheating piece of shit. She`s cheatingona part of shit.
Yes, yes: Maybe your mom should`ve divorced your father, or had him murdered, but for reasons that will only ever be known to her, MOM, she decided that keeping her family intact-maybe for cultural reasons, maybe for her boys-was more significant than remaining close to an antisocial psycho. It`s light to say that cheating is always wrong and to address everyone who cheats a POS, but sometimes an occasion is the least worst option.
As for your brother`s feelings of betrayal: Maybe your dad was justly and your mom was cheating on him throughout their union and his tirades were justified and your brother was a fool to defend your mother. Or perhaps your mom decided, after being accused of cheating again and again, and later being called a whore again and again, that if she was leaving to be accused, indicted and tried for that specific crime, she might as easily own the delight of committing it. Encourage your comrade to make your father the welfare of the doubt. It sounds like she deserves it.
Q: I`m a 28-year-old gay man. My only sibling is getting married next year, and I`m invited. My family doesn`t keep my gayness. My mom has met my boyfriend only once and refused to be in his presence for more than two minutes. Should I take my boyfriend to my sister`s wedding?
Brother Of The Bride
A: You say: "Hey, Sis. Looking onwards to the wedding. I`ve been beholding a big guy for two days now, as you know, and I`m planning on bringing him to the wedding."
If she says, "Don`t take him. It`ll just piss off Mom," then you say, "I`m approach with my boyfriend or I`m not coming at all-and remember, Sis, one day Mom will be short and it`s simply going to be you and me. So in the long run, you should be more interested about pissing me off than pissing Mom off."
And if she says, "Don`t take him. I don`t need your gay boyfriend at my wedding," then you say, "If you don`t want gays at your wedding, Sis, then you shouldn`t have invited me. I wish to be there-but if I come, I`m bringing my boyfriend."
Have the confrontation now, BOTB, so that you can`t be accused of trying to make trouble/drama right before your sister`s wedding. But you want to conquer this chance to dictate terms to your family: They can get their homophobia or they can give you in their lives-but they can`t take both.
Q: Last year, around this time, you promised to part your mom`s Christmas cookie recipe. I would know to try it out if you`re OK with sharing the recipe.
Jason
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