Q: My husband and I recently realised that in place for us to stay happily married, we want to know other people. Enter the boyfriend. This 20-year-old hunk has opened the sexual floodgates. He`s gorgeous and gymnastic and enthusiastic, he gets me off at least twice every sentence we get together, and tales of our exploits have made things even hotter between my husband and me. Everybody`s happy!
So what`s the job? Well, after two months of dating, my new lover has yet to get an erection. I know he`s been capable to get it up with previous partners, so I distrust this has something to do with our situation. Maybe there`s a subconscious portion of his head that doesn`t need to cram a married woman? I`ve made it top to him that there is no force and that I am more than satisfied. He insists that he is very attracted to me and that our current activities (lots of oral and men everywhere) are incredibly satisfying.
Am I missing something, Dan? How can I coax this new man`s erection out of hiding?
Nouveau Mrs. Robinson
A:Before I get to your question, NMR, I want to treat the recent Arnold Schwarzeneggerunpleasantness.
I`m getting a lot of mail from people insisting that it`s all my fault. The affair, the dear child, the part with Maria Shriver-I`m apparently to charge for everything, save Arnold`s oldest son`s slammin`, nearly legal bod (tinyurl.com/3zsdmjf). This is the face because (1) I`m a big advocate of nonmonogamous/monogamish relationships and (2) aging Hollywood action stars don`t get erections without checking in with me first. And see where the nonmonogamy stuff I`m always pushing got Arnold! Look at the bedlam that nonmonogamy creates! Failed marriages! Devastated children! Scandalous scandals!
In my defense, ladies and gentlemen of the angry e-mob, I would point out that Arnold wasn`t in a nonmonogamous relationship. Arnold was in amonogamousrelationship. Arnold failed at monogamy.He did not win at nonmonogamy.If there is a moral to be worn from the Schwarzeneggerunpleasantness, it`s not thathonestnonmonogamy never works. Rather, it is the vital importance-particularly during adulterous heterosexual encounters-of anal intercourse.
And please bear in mind, e-mobsters, that you rarely hear about honest nonmonogamous relationships that work, to say naught of marriages like Mr. and Mrs. NMR`s, i.e. marriages that were saved by nonmonogamy. Successfully nonmonogamous straight couples typically aren`t out to their friends, families and coworkers. We incline to see that person we love is in a nonmonogamous relationship when it implodes and people-both indoors and away the relationship-cast around, looking for something or person to blame. If the match was nonmonogamous, nonmonogamy gets the blame, even if it had naught to do with the breakup.
On to your problem, NMR _
What a delightful problem to have! A gorgeous, athletic and enthusiastic hunk with a hard dick is better than a gorgeous, athletic and enthusiastic hunk with a soft dick, I`ll give you. But better a gorgeous, athletic, and enthusiastic hunk with a soft dick than no gorgeous, athletic and enthusiastic hunk at all, amirite?
And while I can`t say you exactly what`s amiss with your hunk`s dick-it could very easily be the infamous limpothalamus (that would be the office of the head that doesn`t need to cram a married woman; most men don`t give one)I can assure you that you`re doing everything right. You`re not pressuring him, you`re taking delight in him regardless, and you`re not neglecting your husband. And if your hunk was acquiring it up for his former partners, it`s simply a subject of time before he`s getting it up for you.
But was he getting it up for his old partners? Unless you`ve seen some video-and that`s video we`d all alike to see-all we get to go on is his word, NMR, and he could be lying. Young hunks with erectile problems, too embarrassed and/or ashamed to acknowledge they hold a problem, will sometimes lie to their partners and deny to talk to doctors. But your hunk has someone older and wiser telling him what to do, NMR, and you`re going to say him to speak with a doctor.
Q: Is it best to continue with your overweight wife-who happens to be the father of your baby daughter-and wander on her to get sexual gratification (and be a dump of a husband) or leave her (and be a dump of a father)?
Almost Double the Wife
A: Cheating shit or leaving shit-are those your only options?
If they are, ATTW, then stop and cheat. Abandoning an infant-to say aught of abandoning someone with an infant-is a bull move. So is cheating on the father of your baby daughter, of course, but it`s somewhat less shitty.
Here`s another option: You could go without for six months or a year-you know,like most new parents.
Backing way up: You were presumably attracted to your wife before the baby _ otherwise there would be no baby, right? And presumably, the father of your baby daughter is going without right now, too, as she`s probably too fatigued to hassle with sex.Because she hardly had a baby.She too may not be feeling it for her asshole husband, a man who she senses doesn`t find her attractive in her current state-a nation he helped put her in.
Take a little responsibility here, ATTW: You knocked the wife up knowing that pregnancy and its tragic aftermath, aka "parenting," leave new moms with very short time for the gym. If you expected your wife to spring back to her pre-baby weight in 10 weeks, like some form of celebrity mom, then you required to get her two nannies, a personal trainer and a full-time nutritionist.
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